I think, that like most people…I spend a lot of time living in my past, seeing the world in retrospect, than I do looking forward.
My hero, when I was five, was definitely my daddy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, and all of the other people who I am supposed to love…but…there is something special about the bond between a daddy and a little girl, that really is incomparable for the most part. He was the one that made things happen; showed me new things, pushed me to succeed, made me cry if I was in trouble – not because it was going to hurt, but because – I disappointed him. He held my hand when I needed it and he always made sure I knew I *could* do something – if I was willing to try hard enough.
He is probably still my “hero” today. In a different way with just as much love. You see, there was this great divide between us for years, and suddenly I was ‘home’ again, and he was really my daddy again…he took care of me when I fucked up the rest of my life and had absolutely nothing. These days, he is there if I need him. I can show him I love him without shame, and I can act basically the way I did when I was five and get away with it.
Speaking of looking forward to a date in the future…I don’t have a specific date, but I feel like maybe there are still one or two things worth looking forward to. Like the day when I get to become a mother; get to create life and that beautiful bond between a parent and child. When I get to look into my little girls eyes and make sure she knows that she will never be alone. Sappy, but that’s my truth this rainy Saturday afternoon.