How to:

get over embarrassment?   This is a sex post (and I will also be mentioning poop), avert any virgin eyes…

So I don’t know how everyone else does the things they do with the people they bump uglies with, but I think I’m kinda modest in some ways.

With my ex, I never passed gas in front of her until it happened – by accident – one night on the porch.  It was funny and we all laughed our asses off…turns out though, it kinda grossed her out.  Which is ironic, maybe double-standardy?  This woman could pass ALL the gas, in front of everyone, constantly!  Sometimes it was like a game – so.much.farting.  She also did #2’s with the door open (I didn’t do a #1 in front of her for close to a year and I was drunk at that so it didn’t happen again for a very long time), belched like a drunken trucker and scratched inappropriately.  Which was all ok – I tolerate easily.

The time she queefed in my face though – she was mortified.  We talked it through, it was funny and it was natural and all was a-ok.


My sole queef experience as far as *having done it* was with a chick when I was about 17.  It was mortifying, the sex stopped, I fluoresced many shades of red and pink and it basically sucked.  I’ve been lucky enough to avoid repeat experiences since!

Until tonight.

So you see, this guy – whom I adore – and I have been gettin’ jiggy with it for well over a year now.  We’ve done some pretty epic things (in my inexperienced eyes) and I’ve made some huge leaps in comfort, understanding myself, and letting myself be.

But I’ve never pooped in his potty.  Just saying.

Until tonight that is.

So, seriously.

We hang out.  I’m effing tired and feeling not 100% but that doesn’t really matter (it never seems to with him).  Finally (finally!) I am led to the bedroom, things get heated, he proves again that my body will do what he wants it to do, then for the big finale – well let us just say there was an awful lot of wet, quite a bit of sloppy and oh there it is – totally queefing.

Luckily, I’m not directly in his face.  But wow – cannot believe that happened.

Oh and the poop thing – I follow it up by having uncontrollable not so pleasant bowel motion in his bathroom.

I am not pleased about either events and will have to try hard not to think about it next time I see him,

Yup – I’m totally a juvenile 31 year old who is ashamed of bodily functions 🙂


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